The Impossible Dragon
by SnickerToodles
Summary: The human manages to solve all her problems via cool dragon powers, but maybe this nonsensical transformation isn't all it's cracked up to be...


**I don't know what this is**

* * *

When she woke up outside the Temple, her first thought was _..._

 _Uhh... What the fuck?_

One black eye popped open. What was _wrong_ with her body? Everything was in the wrong place, and she felt like she had an arm jutting out of her tailbone. She just barely managed to make herself sit up, and she...

The girl–or should I say the dragon–lifted her paw and gawked at it. It was no longer a slender human hand, but a garish red thing, with three toes–and claws sticking out of them?!

She slowly reached up her paw to her head, but instead of soft hair, she found scales and two pointed horns.

The fifteen-year-old girl went into hysterics on the doorstep of the Temple, her screams occasionally interspersed with puffs of smoke and fire that she had seemingly no control over. The echoes of her squawks and squalls could still be heard miles away years later.

Her center of balance was completely off, and her head too heavy, and too many limbs jutting out of her once-bipedal body. She managed to slam herself into every wall and tree in the area, dragging her massive head over the ground like a saw, tripping over herself with her legs kicking the air. Her wings and tail flailed about wildly, unable to be controlled.

She also managed to set the forest alight. But who cares about forests? Environmentalism is for scrubs.

Once her panic attack was done, the human-turned-dragon lay in the ruins of what had once been a nice garden, panting. Her tail was still twitching–she couldn't seem to control it–and her tongue and throat were singed. She could feel this new magic inside her going haywire, and occasionally a nearby bush would burst into flame as if on its own.

The girl stood slowly, trying to grow accustomed to her new body. Every time she took a step, her whole body seemed to collapse in on itself.

At this point, she finally noticed the Temple (she'd been too busy having a spaz attack to see it before). "I'm in a video game," she breathed. "Cool!" And she didn't question it anymore. She entered the great Temple, the fire raging on behind her and murdering hundreds of innocent forest creatures.

As she walked unsteadily through the dusty halls that twisted and turned like a labyrinth, the girl felt apprehension growing in her now-plated chest. But she quickly realized that there was nothing to be afraid of. She was a dragon; if anything, the Guardians would be happy to see her!

So she began yowling at the top of her lungs, "HEEEEEEELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Unfortunately, no one noticed her for quite a while. By the time she reached the training room, she'd nearly lost her voice. "HELLO!" she screeched, and then as she rounded the pedestal, nearly ran into the fire Guardian who was taking a walk.

"Hello," he said, completely unfazed by her screaming. "What brings you here, young dragon?"

Every time she spoke, a bit of fire came out of her mouth. "Hello! I'm a human from another world, and I've turned into a dragon for no apparent reason! Please help!"

Ignitus stared. "...What?"

"I'm a _human,"_ she said with a sigh. "I know I look like a dragon, but I'm not! I'm a human! Can you help me?"

The fire Guardian looked about in confusion. Since this kid was obviously a dragon, he had no reason to believe her weird story. She was probably insane. But realizing that he was in the middle of nowhere and there was no mental ward to bring this odd child to, he shrugged. "I suppose you could stay with us for a while."

"OK. I may be a dragon who can fly around and do whatever she wants now, but I'm going to angst a lot about my sister while making no effort to get home!"

"Sounds fine."

The smaller fire dragon followed him as he headed for the Pool of Visions. "By the way," she said, "I'm probably massively screwing up the timeline by telling you this. Since you've quickly accepted me due to me being a dragon now, it's not like I have to use this information as leverage. But Spyro is trapped in the Well of Souls, Malefor has escaped, and Warfang is going to be sieged in a year!"

"K."

As she was now a dragon, the girl no longer had to deal with issues like the species gap making it difficult to understand each other, understandable distrust from Terrador and Cyril, or having much trouble learning to fight due to her weak human body. And thus she and the Guardians became besties forever, and she used her cool dragon powers to become the greatest fighter in the Dragon Realms.

 _Three months later..._

"Wow, I can't wait to go to Warfang!" the dragon-girl exclaimed as they readied for their flight. "Since I'm a dragon, I won't have to hide under a cloak and pretend I'm a different species or risk execution! Wouldn't that suck?"

The Guardians said nothing. They'd long grown accustomed to her odd quips.

Luckily, the girl had been practicing her flying. As the months passed, after much struggle, she'd finally learned to control her new body. Now she no longer started forest fires just by speaking, and she usually managed to take a few steps without tripping over herself. Usually.

Flying was surprisingly easy to get the hang of, at least once she'd stopped trying to beat her wings one at a time and gone crashing into the underbrush.

And so, she and the Guardians flew right over the island and the strait, completely unwary of the massive section of plot and worldbuilding they'd just casually skipped over, and above the mainland they went.

But as they neared a clearing near the river, the girl realized that she was quickly losing control. Her balance had shifted, and she was putting most of her weight on her front without being able to stabilize herself.

"Whoa!" she cried as she went down, crashing into the forest. She brought a few trees down with her, and left a deep skid mark in the mud as she came to rest next to the river. Luckily, despite falling a hundred feet out of the air, her Protagonist Powers left her completely unscathed.

Groaning, the girl stood on her four feet. An ape was standing nearby, his face scrunched up at her.

Without thinking, the girl set the passively staring ape on fire. He began to scream and howl, running about comically as his skin melted.

"Cool!" she exclaimed, observing with glee the horrible pain and suffering she was putting this living creature through. Finally he collapsed on the ground, his charred corpse smoldering. "Killing people is fun!"

Then she left and caught up with the Guardians.

* * *

"...And this is the newest councilmember, Tarrok."

"Hello," the golden cheetah said demurely. He glanced at the girl, who stood proudly and uncloaked near the Guardians, red scales gleaming in the sunlight. "I have no reason to dislike you, so it's nice to meet you."

For some reason, the girl got a weird feeling when she was looking at him, but she shrugged it off. "Nice to meet you too," she greeted. "Since I have no reason to ever see you again, goodbye!"

And so Tarrok walked away, his character forever undeveloped. He stayed on the council for several years and nothing interesting ever happened to him.

Later that night, the dragon-girl snuck out, not that the Guardians would have any reason to care about what she did.

Seeing a bunch of people sitting on the wall, she flew up there uninvited. There, she saw two dragons, a mole, and a cheetah staring at her.

"Uh..." the mole said, raising an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

She turned to answer, but instead locked eyes with the boy, the most gorgeous ice dragon she had ever seen His eyes were as beautiful and pale blue as a diamond, glowing and burning with literal fire. His scales, almost as gleaming and beautiful as her own, were like little gemstones eclipsed in the shadow of the moonlight. His chestplate had an amethyst sheen, reflecting rainbow light over the ground. His claws and teeth were like pearls from beneath the sea. His wings were long and slender, his body beautiful and muscular. Finally, she had found someone whose beauty could almost compare to her own. In her dragon state, the girl was the epitome of pulchritude. She was magnificent. Her big, doe-like black eyes were like stones in the ocean, sunlight flickering over them. She was the most alluring blood red, her yellow-orange chestplate burning with the sun's rays. Her horns were like beautiful curving snakes. Her entire body bespoke slenderness and grace, perfection. Though not a single word spoken in this paragraph is relevant to the plot at all, it's of the utmost importance that everyone in this world and the next knows that the dragon-girl was the most lovely creature who had ever existed... And now, she had found the second most special one.

The very beautiful two found themselves plunged into their own world. Sparks flew between them and rose petals swirled about. An orchestra swelled in the background. The other three blinked at the drooling dragons.

But as soon as it had happened, the two snapped out of it and completely forgot it had happened, thus rendering the last 274 words completely irrelevant . "Er..." the girl stuttered, "I'm here for the Meeting."

The blue cheetah stared at her from across the lantern. "How do you even know about that...?"

She pressed a clawed finger to the cheetah's fuzzy lips. "Shhh."

The ice dragon tilted his head. "So... What exactly makes you a misfit?"

Her eyes widened, and the girl scrambled for an answer. "Uhhhhh..." Finally, she remembered, and immediately, a single tear dropped out of her eye. "My dad was abusive," she said. "It was so horrible. The most horrible thing that has ever happened to anyone. No one could ever possibly experience the level of tragedy I have. Nobody will ever really understand my pain."

"But we've all had bad things happen to us," the cheetah girl said in confusion. "That's why we understand each other, because we know what each of us has endured, and that nobody's suffering is any worse or more horrible–"

"MY STRUGGLES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS."

The ice boy lifted his shoulders. "Good enough." He waved, smiling at the newcomer. "My name is Auren."

"And my name is–"

Before the mole could get any farther, the girl held her paw up and cut him off. "I don't care about any of you _minor_ characters."

And so, shrugging, everyone but Auren and the girl dispersed. The two were left to get to know each other and develop the romance that was sure to happen.

The dragon-girl chatted on about herself for about three hours. By the time Auren could get a word in edgewise, dawn was breaking. For some reason, he was not at all bothered by this.

"So..." he said, tilting his head. "You're a dragon now."

The girl sighed deeply, once again plagued by her troubles. "Yes," she admitted. "So far, it's been perfect. But something has been bothering me about that."

"What is it?"

"Well..." The girl was going to bite her lip, but she realized that dragons didn't have lips. "Isn't this kinda silly? I mean, all these serious and complex issues that have contributed to my character development...

"Having to come to terms with the fact that I could never truly be a part of this world, just because I was the wrong species... The hard choice between staying in a place that I loved, or choosing a single person over all that... Realizing that even though I _had_ to go home, because I could never really belong, I didn't _want_ to... Even just the initial difficult adjustment..."

She tilted her head. "All of those problems magically disappeared. Doesn't that make my character kind of flat? Isn't it more interesting to read about the struggles of a human character in a non-human world, someone everyone can empathize with, than a dragon who can pwn everything and never has to deal with being alienated or different?"

"Yes." Auren nodded, eyes closed. "All valid points... But consider this: Being a dragon is way cooler!"

"Ohhhh!" The girl jumped to her feet, excited with her realization. "I get it now! It's not about making a story that people will enjoy! It's about author wish-fulfillment, and having everything explode with an obvious self-insert that is cooler than you!"

"Exactly!"

And so, the two dragons flew off into the sunset.

Though, soon growing tired, they came to rest in a pretty little clearing. Tall, narrow trees surrounded them, and a nearby waterfall bubbled cheerfully as the early morning light shined through the leaves.

Suddenly, the dragon-girl felt shy. Ignoring the fact that reptiles do not have the capability to blush, and even if they could, she was a bright red dragon and it would make literally no difference in her appearance, her cheeks turned pink.

"So..." the girl said carefully. "Since I'm a dragon and all the plot threads are resolving themselves because of that... That means we have no reason to not indulge the shippers, right?"

Auren looked at her, his gaze filled with raw emotion... and desire. He walked over, tenderly bringing his paw to her cheek. Even though sakura trees bloom in spring and it was late fall, cherry blossoms began to swirl around them. "That's right," he said.

"Not that the story was going to talk about this anyway, but we don't have to worry about the long-term ramifications of an interspecies relationship?" An elegant tear dropped out of her eye.

Auren nodded, drawing her close and breathing on her face. "We can solidify our bond as the ultimate OTP, right now. Not only that..." He winked and smiled, "We can force a completely unnecessary sex scene, have a billion children..." The dragon whispered into her ear, "And write more bad fanfics about every single one of them."

"Oh, Auren!" she gasped, her breast filled with joy at the prospect of teenage pregnancy. "I love you, Auren."

"I love you too, whatever-your-name-is."

As they went in for a smooch, an animal-like screech ripped through the forest. Pulling away, the young lovers looked about in confusion.

"NO!" The scream came once more, and the two heard something tearing at the underbrush, closing in fast. Out of the woods burst a human–it was the real girl! Her hair was frazzled, her cloak torn, and her black eyes burned with rage and hatred.

Drawing her shortsword, the child rushed forward with a squall of fury, setting upon the dragon version of herself in less than a moment. Knocking her to the ground and climbing on top of her, the human girl began to wildly stab her. She giggled insanely as flecks of blood covered her face and cloak, strands of hair falling into her face as she mutilated the teenage dragon.

The girl continued stabbing long after dragon-her's gasps and screams faded. Once she had completed defiling the teenage dragon's corpse with hundreds of stab wounds, she kicked her body down the waterfall. Auren had backed up against the tree and was staring and whimpering in horror, his own blue face covered in his brief girlfriend's blood.

"NO!" the girl screamed again, throwing her shortsword onto the ground with a clatter. "THIS STORY SUCKS!"


End file.
